Getting your marriage back to the basics can help “breathe new life” into your relationship.
Whether you’ve been married for 5 years or 25 years, it’s a good idea to step back occasionally to remember what’s important and why you fell in the love in the first place.
It’s so easy to get tied up with life and put your marriage on the back burner. That’s never our intention, but it happens.
When we put our marriage on the back burner, we either end up coasting for periods of time and operating on auto-pilot or worse. And, we certainly, never want “worse” to happen to our most important relationship.
Getting your marriage back to the basics can be done easily with just a little effort and intention.
Do you remember the thrill of the new relationship when you first met? You probably laughed at all his jokes and thought everything he did was smart and wonderful. No doubt, you’ve heard all of his stories, twice. But, giving one another the attention they deserve (and crave) is important to growing as a couple.
In 5 Books That Will Transform Your Marriage, I mention a book called Love and Respect. In this book, the author says what men desire most is respect. What women desire most is love. I have to remind myself regularly not to tune out when my husband tells me the same story I’ve heard time and time again. When I give him the attention and respect he wants, he gives me the attention and love I want.
Make time for each other. It’s not always easy to make time for an actual “date”. We should. We know that. But, life get’s busy. In the beginning of your relationship, you both said “no” to activities with friends and family that would take time away from your new love. You wanted to spend as much time together as possible.
What about now?
Learn to say No occasionally to outside activities when you’ve had days and weeks of busy-ness. Take a moment to realize that what you both really need is time with each other. You might do nothing more exciting than watch a movie or catch up on your favorite series on DVR or Netflix. It doesn’t matter. What matters is making a conscience decision to put each other first.
My husband and I often make a date of our DVR nights. Earlier in the week, one of us will make a trip to the grocery store for special snacks or I’ll make something fun that we rarely ever eat (we usually get some super indulgent ice cream too). Our “indoor” date is made complete by putting on pj’s or super comfy clothes.
You don’t have to go on an expensive date or a full blown vacation (all though that would be fun too). It’s the simple act of making an effort to put your marriage ahead of things that probably won’t matter a few years from now.
Hold hands, touch, kiss as often as possible. Have you ever had a day when you realized you haven’t kissed your spouse all day? It happens. That makes you normal. Remember the days when you couldn’t wait to kiss each other? Make kissing a priority.
(You might might also like Make Intimacy AH-Mazing.)
Dream together again. When you were dating, you probably talked for hours, planning and dreaming about what your life, your family, your career, would look like? Do that now. Set goals. Maybe your marriage is in a great place and terrific things are happening for you both. That’s wonderful!
Maybe you need to “hit the reset” button. Get out some paper and pencil and set some goals. Career goals. Family goals. Weight loss goals. Write the goals down. How will you support each other? How will you hold each other accountable? What do those goals look like? What will your life be like when you reach those goals?
Take time to set goals and get excited about something new you can achieve together.
*This post contains an affiliate link. Please scroll down to read about affiliate links.
One last way to get your marriage back to the basics is to create a God Box. A God Box, is a box with a lid, something like this one, where you put small pieces of paper and a pencil. When you have a problem, either as an individual or as a couple/family, you write it on the paper, pray over the problem (together) and hand it over to God (by writing it down and putting it in the box). The key to the success of the God Box is faith and patience. Once you give it over to God, let him handle it, DO NOT take the problem back. Keep the box somewhere in your home you will see it often. It will remind you that you are not alone in your marriage and you can pray and turn your troubles over to God.
We learned about the God Box a few years ago and have used ours quite a bit. (We gave one to our daughter also.) Ours sits on a shelf in our bedroom. We have experienced times where we used the box so much, we needed to refill the box with paper, on a monthly basis!! There have also been periods of time where we didn’t put anything in the God Box. Those times are the best.
This box is just another way for us to get our marriage back to the basics by remembering that we are in this together.
Sometimes we need to remember that marriage is not a one-way street. It’s a busy highway, with several opportunities to make u-turns.
Maybe it’s time for you and your husband to make a u-turn or take a detour altogether so you can get back to the basics.
*This post contains affiliate links. If you click on one of the links, I may receive some compensation. I don’t recommend any products I don’t use or wouldn’t use myself. Thanks so much for your support.