Let’s face it, marriage and fighting go together all too often.
When you put two imperfect people together, there will be differences of opinion.
Have you ever gotten into a fight with your husband and later thought “what on earth were we even fighting over?”
Every couple argues. Some arguments are bigger and smaller than others.
I’ll be honest with you. My husband and I don’t argue much. Not for lack of things to argue over. That’s for sure. After all, we do live together!!! And, of course, we still have a child at home. PLUS, we work together. Lord knows we have enough reasons to argue.
Any wife (or husband) will tell you their spouse has made them so mad they couldn’t see straight at least once. I am no exception. Of course, I know I have NEVER given my husband any reason to EVER get upset with me. Hahaha. It’s hard to even say that with a straight face.
There are a few reasons we don’t fight much. The biggest reason is we aren’t in our 20’s anymore.
What does age have to do with anything? Honestly, it means that we don’t pay attention to the little stuff. Most of it, the little stuff, doesn’t matter anyway.
We both have had a little “marriage experience”. We like to say we are “skilled professionals”. That doesn’t mean we are better at it than most couples. It just means we both have had a lot of life experience and we know that most of the “stuff” that couples fight over doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
If we were sitting down over a cup of tea, I could probably throw my husband under the bus about any number of things. I’ve picked up my share of dirty socks and dirty dishes. But, he’s an incredibly hard worker and would run into a burning building for our family. Isn’t that what really matters?
We don’t always agree when it comes to our daughter. What we do to avoid any problems is we talk about EVERYTHING in advance when it comes to her.
When we talk prior to dishing out any discipline, it prevents fights later. We go into every family discussion having already prepared in advance. There have been a few times I’ve bit my lip during discussions with our daughter, but short of him telling her there’s no Santa, it’s all good.
We’ve also made the decision that neither of us will spend more than $100 without consulting with the other. That saves us from having so many disagreements later.
Has your husband ever left toothpaste in the sink? Forgot to put the toilet seat down? Or, left you with no toilet paper at all? While totally annoying, it’s not the end of the world.
My husband’s toothbrushing skills are not what drew us together in the first place.
The little things can all be discussed calmly. But, I know if I bring up some of the things that bother me about my husband, I have to be prepared. If I hit him with his lack of toilet paper reloading skills, he may just come back with the cost of my handbag or the inch deep layer of hairspray on the back of the bathroom door. (I’ve seen it. I just haven’t done anything about it.)
Another area that can cause problems for couples is family. “Your family is so annoying when they………” “I hate when your sister comes over and ………..” We both try to be patient when it comes to each other’s family. For each complaint I could come up with about his family, he could probably match concerning mine. What would be the point? As long as none of them are sleeping on my sofa or asking to borrow $5000 (that’s over $100 by the way) then it’s not worth fighting over.
Decide what your boundaries will be when it comes to your extended families. Discuss it in advance. Anything else can be talked about as it comes up.
At the end of the day, the dirty socks and empty toilet paper rolls don’t change the fact that I don’t want to do this life with anyone else except him.
When thinking about “is it really worth fighting over?” ask yourself a few questions.
- If the house were on fire, would it matter?
- Is he the still the person you married? (Loyal, hard-working, loving, kind, etc.)
- Are you perfect?
Life isn’t perfect. Marriage isn’t perfect. You will disagree. Before you both starting throwing stones at each other, ask yourself “is it really worth fighting over?”
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