Kristen at We Are That Family is hosting my favorite themed edition of Works for Me Wednesday. It is the Backwards Edition, where instead of me offering a practical tip for my readers, I solicit a tip from you. Ohhhh, do I need tips.
For those of you who are blessed to be parents of teens, help! My babies are now at the edge of their teen years at 12 and 13. In my opinion, the cusp of the teen years is very similar to becoming a new mom, full of unknowns, uncertainties and a few doubts and fears.
For those who have been through the teen years, do you have ANY tips you can give this mom of new teens?
Anything that worked well in your home?
Lessons you learned?
Things you wish you had done differently?
I’m looking forward to learning from you!
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{ 9 Comments }
I’m anxious to hear as well. I have a teen (14) and a 10 year old.
I could write a book on this subject, mine are 22, 20 and 10 so I kinda get a do-over…ha! I had a hard time “letting go” ok I’m still struggling BUT I’m getting better. I was a single mom with my older kids and I am so proud of the adults they are becoming. I had to learn that they didn’t always want my opinion, I had to learn “to pick my battles”….I remember when we were having some problems with my son and he had been grounded for a pretty “typical” issue and it was a LONG grounding…well homecoming fell during this “grounding” and I had to decide if the punishment fit “the crime” so I sit him down and told him I wanted him to have this lifetime experience BUT I was still disappointed in his behavior and we talked about it and came up with a plan for him “to earn” my confidence about him going to Homecoming…he raked leaves, babysit his little sister, did some pretty sweet things for an elderly neighbor etc. and he now says if I had made him miss that homecoming he would have been so angry and bitter but instead I taught him that even when we mess up we can redeem ourselves and that I would alwasy stick by him…did I mention he’s an awesome kid? I also didn’t let my kids get their license just because they were “old enough” one got them when he was 17 and the daughter didn’t get hers until she was 18, I always made sure they realized how much responsibility that vehicle was and that they had other people’s lives in their hands…wow I did just write a book. ENJOY THEM WHILE THEY ARE LITTLE THEY WILL BE GONE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT!
Michelle,
Thank you so much for your “book!”
I love the ideas you have. It sounds as if you have done an amazing job.
Heather
While I am by no means an expert (my boys are 12, 13 and 16) I have found that consistency is just as important as it was when they were little. If I threaten a consequence I have to follow through.
Another thing is to remember that kids need parents, not friends. It is difficult when I am being told I am the meanest mom ever but you have to stick to your guns. Kids really need limits at this point in their development, whether they want them or not.
Sorry, I don’t have any great advice – I am in the same boat with you – my oldest turns 13 in few weeks, my middle son is 11, and my youngest is 8. Here is one small nugget, though, offered by my daughter. She was hanging out in my bathroom while I got ready and she was looking at a magazine. Then, she said, “I hate these articles about how to relate to your teen. They don’t make any sense. Teens are people just like anybody else. I’m not an alien because I’m turning 13.” I thought that was a pretty profound statement. So, for now, more than anything, I am just trying so hard to keep the lines of communication open with my daughter. We have a good relationship and we homeschool so I think that helps with staying close. She is heavily involved in competitive swimming, though, so she gets plenty of “friends drama” and all that there. Anyway, that’s my simple plan – just keep talking, just keep talking, just keep talking. And…stay very involved in her life.
Samantha
I’m just beginning, I have a 13 year old but so far my advice would be:
Don’t tolerate disrespect
Teach then to respect God, themselves and the opposite sex
Keep them busy to keep them out of trouble
Give them plenty of safe places and opportunities to exercise their independence
Shower them with praise
There is something about new testosterone and estrogen that turns a teenage brain to mush, be patient as their bodies temporarily require more guidance and sleep-just like when they were babies-they’re going through LOTS of changes inside and out.
I’m not a mom of teens…but I have been a teenager.
One thing, looking back, I wish I had done was push myself more. To not give up on something simply because it’s difficult or uncomfortable. A book that I would recommend for you to read and also for your teenages is Do Hard Things by Brett and Alex Harris. This is a book I wish I had read when I was a teenager.
~ Carrie ~
I have four kids, the youngest being 19. When the oldest was 19, it was like this: 19 (boy), 17 (girl) 15 (Boy), 12 (boy)…and somehow we survived. No matter what happens, remember that one day your teenager will be a wonderful young man or woman. Just keep this in mind: every day is a new day. The worst thing you can do with teens is constantly remind them of their shortcomings. So, please, don’t say things like “well, it figures you’d be the one to (fill in the blank)” or “you’re always…”(referring to mistakes, not good stuff, of course!)
We had a lot of tears and fears, and anger. But we also had a lot of fun and, most of all, love and respect for each other. Show your kids respect. Don’t make fun of their music or clothes, but of course you have a right to draw the line at anything that truly offends you. Then again, remember: no fruit is more sweet than forbidden fruit!
Have fun. I promise, you will get through this.
I totally agree with Cheryl about not tolerating disrespect, but you see by my own answer that teens deserve respect, too!
WOW…I have an almost 12 year old daughter. LOL I needed that info and anymore if you have any! Ha!